If you were ravaged hideously by your local zombie community, thus becoming zombie yourself, what kind would you be? Personally I’d be your understated office-wear version; the kind that was simply chomped by a roaming corpse whilst queuing for a salad. The bushes would ladder my tights as I dragged my heavy limbs back to work, flung my salad across the photocopier and fed on everyone’s flesh. Because it’s lunchtime, and I’m just your classic zombie office-chic.
Others however, would visualise themselves slightly differently when undead.
I realised this last weekend as I watched a parade of corpses stumble through town during Bristol Zombie Walk 2012. Around Halloween they appear in masses, groping the fronts of buses, stumbling into puzzled living folk and smearing blood all over the windows of KFC. This culminates in Castle Park, where they drink cider from 2 litre bottles and get down to some filthy (because of blood and pus) zombie beats. David Attenborough, despite all his admirable achievements, has missed this spectacle.
But as I absorbed this occurrence and thought, not for the first time since moving here, ‘Bristol is very odd’; I also realized that difference in taste exists among these misunderstood monsters as much as it does between you and I. And I don’t just mean the taste they all share, that being, for brains. I will illustrate as follows:
✓ More akin to my preferred style, the classic office zombie is not one to be disregarded. Despite the word ‘kill’ written in blood across their notepad, or some spontaneous hula hoop activity, they are what I consider to be the most civilized of corpse-folk.
But then the boundaries start to get weird.
In preparation for this parade, people obviously think, ‘I aspire to be the best kind of zombie. If I were to be zombified, how would I express my ‘swag’?’ And so, through the medium of being dead, they reveal their inner-most selves.
X Some think, I would like to be an example of produce.
Like. A carrot. WITH A TASTE FOR BRAIN.
X Or a nanner. WITH A TASTE FOR BRAIN.
✓ Others choose the often under-represented zombie pensioner community. The bright colours do wonders for their off-green complexion, and the popular layering technique hides oozing flesh wounds with ease.
✓ Then there’s true style. You can never go wrong with Bridal Couture, and blood soaked lace is really set off by the Autumnal setting. How proud they must be, surrounded by their trembling, decaying family. Let’s all remember, next time 28 Days Later is on Film4, that THEY CAN LOVE.
…and go on to have children and zom-dogs. ✓
But if when deciding your zombie outfit, you find yourself blushing with shame-induced pleasure, this is where you’ll fit in. This is the downstairs floor of Zombie Ann Summers. This is the blacked-out window store of the Zombie ghetto. Undead, everyone is equal – no matter how sick you were as a living being – so some may decide to slip into the trackies of a deceased, recently-outed paedophile, or another loveable dead celeb… = X
But this zombie season is all about being your own hero, especially a dead one. Anything is possible in the afterlife/death. Be they Olympic heroes… = ✓
…Supreme beings (but dead) ✓
Or your most disturbing childhood toy! X – all idols can be paid homage.
Then, dotted in amongst the norm come the vom-zombies. This specialist mode of style is for the most hardcore of brain-munchers, and could cause blindness due to volumes of bad taste – unless you enjoy seeing the Stig’s arm being mashed up into his open head. But I predict the standard office zombie would see this as somewhat of a faux-pas – I mean, his bone is exposed to the world X
Then, as my sister (who was visiting, and mildly horrified) and I ducked away and left them all franken-bopping to Fatboy Slim until the early hours, we gave thanks that even non-living minorities are tolerated on the streets of Bristol. Thank you Bristol Zombie Walk 2012 for celebrating the in-styles of the underground zombie community, this Halloween season.
For way better photos than I managed to take (they staggered past at an annoying pace) you can look here – BRAINS